A Second Chance: Is There Someone You Need to Sit With?
Posted: Saturday, January 17, 2009
by Val Silver
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Have you ever thought someone was different than they really are? Did a loved one deceive you and now you feel bitter? I would like to tell you a story about a time this happened to me, and the lessons I learned because of this experience.
Several years ago I was engaged to a man who I thought would be the perfect husband. Or so it appeared. This man, loved and sought after by many at church as friend and counselor, was among other things, a compulsive liar. He wove a life tale that was dramatic, grandiose, and false. Thankfully for my pride's sake, I was not the only one naive enough to believe him. I realized with some embarrassment how easy it could be to be drawn into a cult by someone who appeared so spiritual and chosen by God. This was the first lesson.
As this counselor was giving me instructions on what I needed to do to help this man, I informed him that I was no longer in the picture, interlaced with some poor me talk. He spoke three words that forever changed my life. At that moment, they felt like a slap in the face, but they snapped me out of victim mode. His words? "Get over it."
Still smarting, I realized the counselor had given me a great gift. This was a gift that led to what I consider one of my finest moments. It gave me the strength to step outside myself and into a greater place. He helped me choose the "high road" and a course of action grounded in love.
When I stopped thinking only of myself, I could imagine how humiliated and embarrassed this man must have been feeling. I knew that in order for him to be comfortable enough to find healing in this close-knit church, he would need to feel accepted. I also knew everyone would be watching what I did and realized to an extent that my responses would guide theirs. So that next Sunday, despite all that happened and his outspoken lack of appreciation for the part I played, I convinced him to come to church and sit with me. After that, he was invited and came to the socials at my home and others. We all played a part, and because of that we were able to heal and move forward with less pain and greater ease.
I wish I could end by telling you this is a happily ever after story, but it isn't. Even though we have gone separate ways, I know he still has issues. The point is that he was afforded an opportunity and a space to grow and heal in a supportive environment. He was given a second chance. Don't we all deserve that?
As for me, I am free of any negative emotions towards him. I feel grateful to have learned how important it is to "sit with" someone. And with deepest gratitude, I look back to those who, in my dark times, have chosen to sit with me. Is there someone you need to sit with?
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More commentshi val,this is a very touching article.i know those times well when you just need to sit with someone.lately, i clasp my hands around anyone's neck, and hold on.thanks for sharing,best regards,sueHi Sue, I'm sure the folks you support with your sitting and "neck holding" appreciate you. I know you've been there. Val
Excellent Val!If Jesus could forgive and sit with us, I think we should imitate that the best we can. I know I have had my dark moments and people kind and loving as yourself sat with me.God bless youThanks Michelle, I couldn't agree more. Val
Hi, Val, You write as if you are having a real, honest conversation with the reader, which I find very appealing. And then you share so much of yourself in a way that goes forward and does not bog down. The emotion comes between the lines and is somehow more gripping. I admire you for working to get over that experience, which came through your willingness to help. God bless you.Hi Jane, Thanks for sharing your thoughts about my writing. I'm pretty new at this whole article thing, although I've always loved to write, so I appreciate the feedback.
Glad you enjoyed it. Val
I am back to searchwarp after a longtime...I agreed with what Jane said. You talk to the people when you write. And I am motivated by your wonderful article. I was thinking forget about 2nd chance, my saviour has been giving me thousands chances and can't I give my fellow men & women atleast!God bless you Val for edifying & admonishing all of us...Hi Candles, I was wondering just yesterday where you were. Glad you're back.
Val,Very touching story. And quite helpful to many.Thanks for sharing this with us!
"Get over it," what a powerful trio, and most effective. Great article, Val.
An inspirational article, Val. I, too, have had someone close deceive my family and myself. We did a lot of praying and finally God pretty much let us know that we should do just as you said---"Get Over It!" Sometimes I still think about it, but I don't feel the animosity toward that person that I once did. He will get his in due time.Thanks for sharing.SandraThanks for sharing your story. I'm glad you've been able to move forward and use your energy for more useful things- like your grandkids and articles!
A great testimony. Thanks for being open and sharing, glad you got out though.
Another form of tough love...tougher on you than the guy you included into your world.Thanks,SueYes Sue, you are right about that! It probably was tougher on me-and my kids who loved him. Regardless, there was a reason I drew one such as him into my life...Val
Hi Val! It seems that you have your self together and pass that same wellbeing to others. You have a gift!Hi Thom,My long-standing joke at times has been that I'm holding myself together- with baling wire! This was probably one of those times!Thanks for your kind words. Val
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